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Get your snark on @ Red Pen, Inc!
--- On Tue, 5/27/08, Red Pen Editor <thegrammarphile@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: Red Pen Editor <thegrammarphile@yahoo.com>
Subject: your first grammar entry :)
To: fullsail2007@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, May 27, 2008, 10:36 PM
Okay, so here are my comments on the grammatical-ness of the site so far... :)
(Yeah, I'm gonna be a little evil and snarky. That's my job!) By the way, where IS
the daily blog? When I visit the Blog page, it's just sort of an overview on what
you're doing. I don't see any daily entries yet. Help?
So, Captain, I see that you've started to set sail on your fantastic voyage around
the East End, and this landlubber of a Grammarphile is totally excited to be
reading about your daily adventures! What you've written so far is quite
entertaing and interesting, but...
I'm a little concerned about some of your comma usage. I mean, I know you're
a seafaring voyager and not a Grammarphile, but I know you must know better
than to use commas in this way in a sentence like this: "The highlight was the
marriage of the
captain and first mate, well actually my second wife, aboard the sailboat at the
Montauk Yacht Club." Captain, you need to know that this should have been
written as follows: "The highlight was the marriage of the captain and first
mate--well, actually, my second wife--aboard the sailboat at the Montauk Yacht
Club." It's the same sorta deal with this sentence ("The first mate, well actually I
was her third husband, learned how to jump ship with the cruising half of the
retirement fund..."), which should read "The first mate--well, actually, I was her
third husband..." Sigh. You'll have plenty of time to read your Comma Sense on
the high seas, right? (If you don't own a copy, I'll let you borrow mine!)
In other comma-related catastrophes, you wrote this sentence: "The ensuing
years have been an odyssey, worthy of both Homer and the Simpsons." Clever
sentence, indeed, but...THROW THE COMMA OVERBOARD, CAPTAIN! You
don't need it. You don't need to place a comma in your writing at each place you
would pause in speaking what you've written. Same deal here: "On the
Waterside is a multimedia website, devoted to setting a course to see life at the
water¢s edge." Make that comma walk the plank!
One more thing, Captain. This passive voice thing...yikes. If my eleventh-grade
English teacher witnesses this blatant use of passive voice on a site like this, I
bet she'd beat the snot out of you with the broom I swear she rode to class
every day. So watch your passive voice, Captain, or I will track her down and
send her flying after the BlownAway Too! ;)
Get your snark on @ Red Pen, Inc!
--- On Tue, 5/27/08, Red Pen Editor <thegrammarphile@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: Red Pen Editor <thegrammarphile@yahoo.com>
Subject: your first grammar entry :)
To: fullsail2007@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, May 27, 2008, 10:36 PM
Okay, so here are my comments on the grammatical-ness of the site so far... :)
(Yeah, I'm gonna be a little evil and snarky. That's my job!) By the way, where IS
the daily blog? When I visit the Blog page, it's just sort of an overview on what
you're doing. I don't see any daily entries yet. Help?
So, Captain, I see that you've started to set sail on your fantastic voyage around
the East End, and this landlubber of a Grammarphile is totally excited to be
reading about your daily adventures! What you've written so far is quite
entertaing and interesting, but...
I'm a little concerned about some of your comma usage. I mean, I know you're
a seafaring voyager and not a Grammarphile, but I know you must know better
than to use commas in this way in a sentence like this: "The highlight was the
marriage of the
captain and first mate, well actually my second wife, aboard the sailboat at the
Montauk Yacht Club." Captain, you need to know that this should have been
written as follows: "The highlight was the marriage of the captain and first
mate--well, actually, my second wife--aboard the sailboat at the Montauk Yacht
Club." It's the same sorta deal with this sentence ("The first mate, well actually I
was her third husband, learned how to jump ship with the cruising half of the
retirement fund..."), which should read "The first mate--well, actually, I was her
third husband..." Sigh. You'll have plenty of time to read your Comma Sense on
the high seas, right? (If you don't own a copy, I'll let you borrow mine!)
In other comma-related catastrophes, you wrote this sentence: "The ensuing
years have been an odyssey, worthy of both Homer and the Simpsons." Clever
sentence, indeed, but...THROW THE COMMA OVERBOARD, CAPTAIN! You
don't need it. You don't need to place a comma in your writing at each place you
would pause in speaking what you've written. Same deal here: "On the
Waterside is a multimedia website, devoted to setting a course to see life at the
water¢s edge." Make that comma walk the plank!
One more thing, Captain. This passive voice thing...yikes. If my eleventh-grade
English teacher witnesses this blatant use of passive voice on a site like this, I
bet she'd beat the snot out of you with the broom I swear she rode to class
every day. So watch your passive voice, Captain, or I will track her down and
send her flying after the BlownAway Too! ;)
Get your snark on @ Red Pen, Inc!
| *GRAPHIC SUPPLIED BY THE CAPTAIN..... |